Changes - Changes, Everything Changes!

Paleeeeeezzz Be gentle, patient, and understanding folks!

I am revamping my blog, so if it appears rather Topsy-turvy, that's why!

Coming back soon.......I promise!

The HEAT Has FINALLY Let Up…Sorta, Kinda!

...Finally!

            I can walk out the door and not break into a sweat immediately!  Our highs' are still getting into the 90's on most days, but as the Sun sinks in the southern skies, the temperatures cool down to the 60's. At least the nights have been cooler! Right now the mornings, and late evenings are the best times to get outside, due to the temperatures having fallen to a comfortable level.

The humidity this past summer has been through the roof!

Although we have not had the dry weather that has plagued the mid-west. It was so hot every day, that most times the heat would bring a rash of scattered storms by late in the afternoon or evening, and plenty of rain for those of us in the south. I am looking forward to the milder temperatures of the fall season.

 

 Okay, change of subject here...... 

As you all know by now, the hubby is an avid golfer, so when he lost his left leg in a surgical mishap several years ago, he worked continuously toward getting his "handicap" golfing scores back where they were, before the loss of his leg. He has had numerous prosthesis replacements, and due to his golfing activities, his prosthesis has continued to improve and update. Both his spirit for golf and his sense of humor always got him through the really bad times.  Me? Well, I can tell you that during the time when he lost his leg, I am damn sure I was having a nervous breakdown. However, at the time, I didn't realize it……..not until much later

                                  Anyway, since the hubby is an avid golfer, he needed a prosthetic leg that was able to do more than just hold him upright. He received a new prosthesis just about a week ago, and this thing actually has a computer in it. It actually senses when he is standing or walking up or down a hill! And, will detect when he sits down and automatically adjust to that positioning.

                            As you can see, it is one of the most advanced prosthesis made. The computerized box sits right on the limb encasement, backside of the prosthesis. It's quite amazing what can be done with artificial limbs these days. He could probably run in it, if he were so inclined. But he's NOT into running, or much of a walker either, LOL. However, he is quite proud of his new prosthesis.

                           Like I said, he is an avid golfer, but only IF he can play with a golf cart. He NEVER walks the course, even when he did have both legs, he NEVER walked a golf course, as far as I know. I suppose that, in his youth, he might have walked one or two?, but in his youth, he was a little more energetic, and agile. He just turned 65 last May, and he's already had one heart attack, along with arterial sclerosis. He has two stents in his heart, and another one in his femoral artery. Just a few weeks ago, he was going all A-Fib on me. Anyway, you can clearly see why he does as little walking as possible while on the golf course, LOL!

Okay, enough about hubby. I, on the other hand, am a mess, sorta….. kinda.

                           I just had seven teeth extracted on Monday this week, so I'm still in the process of healing. The surgeon did a magnificent job. His name is Dr. Elliot Maxwell, DDS. ……….Oh! And being the most good looking man on this side of the universe certainly helps!! Hehehehehe! 

Hey now!! - I might be old, but I'm NOT dead yet! The man was definitely Calendar mat'l!

                            On another subject, I have decided that I must tackle one of my addictions! 

Smoking?.......umm, Well………soon, Okay!? But that isn't the addiction I was talking about. Chewing my nails?…….well, yes that is an addiction too, sort of, (more of a habit), however........ since the surgery I've not been able to chew them at all.  I take this as an opportunity to quit at least this one annoying habit.     Soooo, I'm working on that too. 

                                   No............ the addiction I was speaking of is called, "Procrastination". I am finding out that this behavior is as addictive as say, obsessive, compulsive disorders.

Here is just a small piece of information that I collected from this site: Procrastinators Anonymous Website

According to the author and founder of this group , "Chronic Procrastination is NOT a Time Management Problem! This is something that I was sure glad to know. 

                                 Nor, is it a laughing matter, or source for jokes. No, this author gets infuriated at any jokes regarding procrastination. Why? Because there is NOTHING funny about it, not if one is suffering from true chronic procrastination. Lawyers have been disbarred due to it. Small business owners have lost their businesses due to it. People's lives fall apart and are destroyed due to procrastination.

                                 He goes on to say that the 'Psychological' community is totally blind in not recognizing procrastination as an addictive disorder. Every book or article he has read about procrastination talks about getting to the 'underlying reason' why one procrastinates so their problem can be solved. Now, granted, knowing why you procrastinate on a particular task can be helpful, but, it is not the whole solution – not by a long shot. It's like saying an alcoholic can stop drinking if he can only discover what's really bothering him. 

Now…here is an idea! Could it be that an alcoholic drinks because he has an addictive personality? And, that alcohol just happens to be his drug of choice. Ah-ha! Therein lies the truth of the matter.

The author goes on to state that he is a chronic procrastinator (even has graduate training in psychology)!....... who has also had to deal with a variety of addictive problems. He states that procrastination feels like addiction, and it is the hardest addiction to deal with.

                                    It is harder to stop procrastination than it is to quit drinking, smoking, taking drugs, and compulsive eating all wrapped together! Wow! Now I understand why the postings on my blog are so rare! I have a horrible addiction in procrastination!! It is not just a behavioral problem. Actually, my whole personality is an addictive one. I've had addiction to drugs, but not alcohol, that's the hubby's little addiction, although he also has been able to overcome that, mainly because of the medications he takes now.

Note: Procrastinators do NOT have a problem with time management. They DO, however, have a problem with compulsive avoidance. Procrastination is a form of addictive escapism that must be dealt with directly or there will NEVER be any recovery from it. Hm?  Why would I want to escape from my blogging?  I love to write!  Maybe it is because I am putting myself out there for the world to see, (and judge)!?

This website "Procrastinators Anonymous",  has brought me colossal hope for my future, and will possibly help cure me of what I always considered simply a bad habit, or pure laziness.  Although to be true to my inner self, I never have considered myself a lazy person. Anyway, I intend to join the group and use all the resources they provide!  We shall see!!

Till next time folks!

 

IS IT JUST ME?

Is it just me? 

Does anyone else notice our system of government is in chaos? It is as if Satan has taken control of our Federal, and State representatives.


Granted, I am not a terribly religious individual, although I do have belief in the Bible and what it teaches. Nor do I adhere totally to those teachings, as some folks do. I don't attend church regularly, but I keep the word of God in my heart. Now, if this causes me to go end up in HELL when I pass from this world, so be it.


With that being said, and looking at everything that has been happening in the world; i.e., disasters of terrible magnitude, earthquakes, tsunamis, horrendous floods, disease, and pestilence, and a huge increase in murder and mayhem, it really gets one to thinking that we could be headed for total extinction of the human race!


Scientists have been telling us for years that we could be facing another, "ICE AGE". 

Just recently I read an article containing a scientific report of a glacier in North America. The (Nisqually) on Mount Rainier, has been growing since the year 1931. You can read the article here:

http://www.21stcenturysciencetech.com/articles/Ice_Age.html
 

One would think that information of this magnitude would have been a lead item in every newspaper in the world. This would lead one to wonder why it was not reported to the masses? The web article states that any competent climatologist would immediately grasp, (from said report), that glacial advances are an early warning sign of Northern Hemisphere chilling of the sort that can bring on an Ice Age. An Ice Age is determined with great scientific precision. Laurence Hecht, Editor of 21st Century Science and Technology Magazine wrote the web article referenced above.


I have to say, it makes one stop and think. After all, our continent has remained unchanged mostly, for a good many years, and we all know that Mother Nature is slightly unpredictable. Then again, all the hoopla about Global Warming makes one wonder if we'll experience the exact opposite. Whom to believe? In addition, how does one prepare for an event such as that? I'm not sure there is a way to prepare.


Nevertheless, I don't see it happening in my lifetime, or even my children's. However, the grandchildren could possibly experience such a phenomenon. Who knows what to believe nowadays, with the things that have gone on in the past 50 to 100 years.


On a joyful note, Mother Nature just happened to give us a spectacular sunset the other evening, so I got my camera out and took a quick picture. See below:

  But then Mother Nature doesn't always go out so peacefully, as the picture's below show her:

This was from the back of our home.  

And then it moved to the front side...........

Mother Nature put on a real amazing light show just last evening.  I tried to take a couple of pictures, but unfortunately my camera just isn't the best in the world, doesn't take real good nighttime pics,........so I didn't get the lightening show like I wanted.  But it was amazing! It was miles away but you could see the storm going on nonetheless.  The lightening was almost continuous!

This summer has been exceptionally HOT and HUMID.  Ever since the first week of July, every day has been in the 90's, with humidity levels at 100% almost every day. Just makes it extremely uncomfortable to be outside for very long!  It's hard to imagine an 'ICE AGE' coming with temperatures like this.  But then again, the last winter we had down here stayed extremely cold for an extremely long time! 

Anyone else ever think about this stuff, or "Is it just me?"

Tsk, Tsk, & Tsk Again…..Are You Blogging or NOT - Make Up Your Damn Mind Woman?!

Here it is July and I am behind as usual. One cannot expect others to follow one’s blog if they  are never blogging on it!    Sighhh  :o(

 It is my own fault, however, I hope you will take some small amount of time and stop to read my updated  content.

Allot has transpired since my last post which was much too long ago!

It has been weeks since I even sat down at this computer to do anything but glance at email,  and read everyone else's blogs.  I know that I don't post on mine often enough for people to bother following me. I hope I can change that for the better in the near future, since I am definitely planning on taking on another blog, lol! 

The next one will be totally about "Affiliate Marketing", and exploring it's venue.

In the meantime, on 'this', my personal blog, I have much of which to apprise.

We had company with us for approximately four days. These  two people are very good  friends, and we both, (hubby and I), enjoy their visits tremendously.  We didn't get to the  beach however, and for that I am sorry.  It was damn HOT and humid that week, and the  beach was packed with beach-goers.  It was around July the 4th holiday, so it was to be  expected.

I sincerely hope they enjoyed that visit as much as we did, as it was a wonderful time, and of course we all ate too much!  Isn't that the way of it! LOL!

Anyway, the next week or so passed rather placidly with no real fortuitous happenings. Then,  I got an email from one of my "Fan-pages'.  It was the local 'Country' radio station, emailing  me on "FaceBook" that I had won tickets to the Toby Keith "American Ride Tour" concert!   Imagine my total shock and truly happy surprise at winning these tickets!  I had only just  become a fan of the station on Facebook, and BOOM! …….I won tickets!

However, the tickets I had won were definitely NOT exactly what you would call VIP 'seats'. In   fact they were "Lawn" tickets.  Meaning, exactly that, we were to sit anywhere 'on the grass  surrounding the regular seats.

It was a good thing I had thought to bring a large beach towel, as we, (my friend and I),  needed it to lay over the grass! I wished then, that I had had the aforethought to bring binoculars, lol.  Oh....and NO, that is NOT me in the red shirt!

As you can see we truly were "On the Lawn" literally!  Although the stage was so far away that it was easier to watch the huge TV screens that they had erected on both sides of the Amphitheater stage.

Some people were sitting down, others were standing and swaying to the music as you can  plainly see.,,,,,,

Youth…..Ahhh,  if only!

As the evening wore on, there were more and more people standing up and dancing around  the lawn, but I must admit, most of those were YOUNG people, and most were '20' something  women, who looked to me like little girls playing grown-up!  Geeez, I was definitely feeling  my age at that point!  Young girls all around us…..with tanned legs up to their elbows!  It  was literally depressing to realize I can't dress like that anymore.  Oh wait!…….I never dressed like that anyway!  ROFLMAO!  However, IF one could get their youth back, then one has to think about what comes with it that is NOT so appealing, i.e. cramps, pimples, peer pressure , boyfriends, etc, etc.

The night was at first, hot and humid, but as the Sun fell off the horizon, the breezes picked up and the night ended up being very comfortable actually.  No mosquitoes  anywhere, so I assume that they must have rigged some type of repellent in the area of the lawn.  Usually I get attacked by them in swarms, but not one bite all through the evening hours. I was glad for that alone!

Trace Adkins was the first one to appear and perform, and Wow!  Did he ever!  I can describe him for you, but I thought maybe I would scrounge up a recent close-up pic from the internet.  For those of you who've never had the pleasure of seeing him live in Concert, well………the man puts his all into his performance.  I can tell you that he sounds exactly like his recorded 'CD's'  Nothing fake about this gentleman!  He has one song that kinda describes the way in which he portrays himself on stage.  The song's title is, "Dirty White Boy".  But truthfully he is a devoted family man, with a beautiful wife, "Rhonda (Forlaw) Adkins, and five daughters of different ages. Two of his daughters are from a previous marriages, but they are one great big very happy and centered family.

When he is performing, he protrays himself as a sexy 'dirty white boy', and he pulls it off with charm, true wit, and a great deal of talent!  Typical fans are the young ladies who attend his concerts, but there are a mix of all ages and genders who follow him and his career.

The other, and main, artist in this what is the "American Ride Tour", was Toby Keith.

This man represents everything America is about. Honor, honesty, integrity and assuredly presents himself as a down home "All American" country boy.  I have to say, in concert he is 100% as good as in his music videos!  He puts on an excellent performance! He was amazing to see and hear at work. 

Sometimes with a concert of this magnitude it is as enjoyable just to watch the reactions of the crowd of fans too!  The little twenty-something's went wild and it was a sight to see!

The concert was NOT in Myrtle Beach, unfortunately, but that’s okay.  It was at the "Verizon Wireless Amphitheater in Charlotte, N.C. Approximately a three & one half hour drive from home.

My good friend (female), and I spent the night in a nearby motel and drove home in the morning, taking our time  on Monday morning, since the concert was on a Sunday evening.

It was a good thing I'd had a relaxing and enjoyable Sunday night, and Monday morning, because as soon as I got home to the hubby, my enjoyment came to a quick and unhappy halt.

I had no more than unloaded the car and walked into the house, than the hubby was informing me that he wasn't feeling well.  He was looking pale, and telling he was very lightheaded. He had been checking his pulse and said it felt um, irregular.  He was right, I put my two fingers at his neck and it was beating very fast, and very irregular.  I walked around the couch he was sitting on and picked up the phone and called his doctors office. 

Fortunately they could get him in within the half-hour, so I took him in.  They did an EKG on him and they discovered his heart was beating at 169 beats per minute!  Yikes!  They instructed us to go immediately up to the emergency room at "Grand Strand Regional" hospital.. 

The triage nurses did yet another EKG on him and they diagmosed it as Atril Fibrillation. It was a matter of just a few minutes before they got him back there, however, they didn't as yet have a room for him, so they put him out in the hallway until such time as they did.

Once they did get him a room back in the emergency dept, they did yet another EKG. Guess what?  He was no longer Fibbing.  However, his heart was still doing a little jig every now and then, so they made the decision to keep him overnight and have his cardiac physician make the call as to what should be done. They got him a room on the 3rd floor. 

Now, it just so happens that this hospital is rated in the top 5 for patients with heart problems. They have excellent heart surgeons, and a heart department that is very competent, and almost incomparable. The hubby had a heart attack about four years ago now, and his heart doctor literally saved his life at that time.  He is one of the best in his field!

The next morning a technician came in and did an Echo-cardiogram.  I stood there and watched the screen and could see my husband's heart beating. It was amazing to see. I could even see the way it was stuttering, and quivering every few beats.  According to the doctor, my husbands heart had, for a lack of better words, "had it's wires crossed". It was sending constant electrical signals through the top part of his heart, causing the blood to not get pushed out to the bottom part like it should have.  This was why he felt light-headed. He was not getting the correct amount of blood flow.

The doctor added a new medication, and also increased the dosage on one of his other meds. He got my husbands heart in regular sinus rhythm by the end of the next day, and the hubby was allowed to come home, although, with strict orders to curb his intake of all salt, and eat healthier foods, instead of the junk he'd been eating.  You see, when he'd had his cancer and lost so very much weight, he was told then by the doctors to eat as much as he could, and whatever he wanted, as long as he ate something!  Well, he got used to eating what he wanted, and now he's finding it very hard to stick to this low-fats diet thing.  He doesn't understand that low-fat is as important as having NO salt.  His arteries are in no better shape than his heart. High fat foods, will, with time ,block an artery - no matter how much medication he takes to keep that from happening!

But he seems not to have listened very well to his doctors from what I have been able to observe this past week. I'm not going to nag him. He is a grown man.  If he wants to die a little sooner rather than later, that’s his choice.

I'm not going to yell at him, or force him to eat food that he doesn't like.  The funny thing is, while he was in the hospital, he ate almost everything he was brought to eat, and his meals were low-fat, and totally NON-sodium food.  AMAZING!  But then, of course, he was forced to eat it or starve, LOL!  But, he did tell me that most of it was really good stuff. But to him, low-fat transmits to low taste, no taste, bad taste period!  He is stubborn, and set in his ways, this is what he tells me all the time.  So be it. But if he ends up having a stroke, and being paralyzed or worse.....

Well, I can't or won't be able to take care of him. I do not have the energy or the strength for that.  I suppose I'll worry about that if the time comes, hopefully it won't!  My husband is not one for making sure his loved ones are taken care of upon his death.  He just doesn't care.  He feels that once hes dead, they (his family) can worry about it. Selfish, yes..........but what ya gonna do? Oh, he has life insurance, but the amount of insurance MIGHT be just enough to take care of his funeral.  Just barely.  

I don't plan to be that unfeeling of my family's feelings or expect them to take care of everything.  I'm getting life insurance soon, and making out my will. Not something one likes to think about, (dying), but it is a reality that must be faced.

An Embarrassing Moment.......

Have you ever had one of those moments where you had been under a GREAT deal of stress, and something happens out of the blue that makes you laugh.......and then you cannot quit laughing, and you laugh soooo hard that you end up bursting into tears at the very worst of times?


I had one of those moments.........its not been recently, although when I think about it.......maybe I need such a release right now.

Anyway, as I was saying, this happened some years ago, when I was going through my divorce to my 1st husband.  I was visiting with my folks for the week-end, and I went to church with them on Sunday morning.

It was a small town church, very quaint.  That morning the church was packed, I suppose because it was a beautiful spring morning, one meant for worshipping God, and thanking him for all he has given us.

As in most churches there is always at some point during the morning sermon, where the parishioners are asked to stand and sing along with the choir. I was standing next to my dear sweet Mother singing along with her, while she held the songbook.

As we were singing my Mother slipped up and uttered a word that was umm.........well, it wasn't the word in the song, and for some reason it just hit me and I started to chuckle, and the more I chuckled the harder it was to stop.  I soon realized that I was out of control, my emotions were suddenly spilling out of me right there in that little small town church, and I can tell you that it was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life!

Yes, I've had other embarrassing moments, but since my separation from the hubby, the whole world, and my attitude toward it has changed.  I look back on that moment with fondness now, remembering how simple life was for me then, even when I was going through the divorce......that doesn't even come close to comparing with the HELL I went through while separated from the 2nd hubby.

The world is so much more complex now, so many unknowns, so many uncertainty's. So much more evil out there, and people who want to do us harm. I'm so glad for what I have, even if my health is not so good, I have a roof over my head, MY ROOF, and food to eat and a bed to lay my head down.  How could I want for more?

Where did Monday Go? Or The Weekend Before it?? Swoosh! Gone!

Monday always comes………no matter how hard I wish it not to…..it defeats my wishes in the end, and it comes, sneaking quietly into the dawn! Okay…..just kick me, but I can't help it, I love the week-ends, and I HATE Mondays! Sooo.......I guess it's a good thing that Monday passed so quickly, LOL!


 
Saturday morning starts out with my favorite Saturday morning TV show. Usually, on Saturday mornings promptly at 6 A.M. "Animal Planet" has a dog show, i.e. 'Westminster, American Kennel Club, AKC Eukanuba, and so forth. Even 'Animal Planet' has it's own 'Dog Championship' shows.


 
I love to watch even the ones that I know are re-runs. Yes, call me crazy, call me weird. I don't have a dog, and I don't intend to have one, unless of course, (God forbid), something were to happen to the hubby. IF I were alone, only then would I consider owning a dog. The reason for this is simple. the hubby is a full-time job, and he would NOT appreciate any competition for my affections, even toward an animal. And, I would not be able to take care of it in the manner I would prefer. I would pamper it, and love it unconditionally, as I know any pet's love for it's owner/master is just that, 'unconditional', be it dog or cat.

 
This image was acquired from:


http://dogblog.dogstuff.com/



DogBlog is the weblog of http://www.dogstuff.com/

They have all kinds of interesting information about rescue and dogs, and the dog stuff they sell. They maintain that the products they sell are some of the best on the market.


 
The dogs on these Championship shows are pampered pooches to be sure, but they are also very well behaved, and well-trained.


 
Who wouldn't love a little fluffy face like the one below!
    This image taken from: http://bichon.org/PGHeadStudies.htm



The Official Website for The Bichon Frise Club. They offer all kinds of helpful information on anything 'Bichon'.


The poodles are picture perfect examples of grooming expertise. Amazing!


The image above acquired through:

http://www.ngkc.us/web/events/090422/web/020.html


The website is the National General Kennel Club. It originates from China, and provides values, standards, the registration process, and is China's independent national kennel club. They are committed to helping and organizing all dog lovers, clubs, kennels, and organizations in promoting responsible dog ownership, breeding and exhibition.





 
The picture shown above was acquire from here:

http://www.maribesopapillons.com/index.html



Maribeso Papillon Kennel provides a daycare, and boarding services. They also supply the latest news from recent competitions and shows, and links to other kennels and related sites.



The Papillon Breed is a personal favorite of mine, along with the ones shown below of the Yorkshire Terrier.


Another one of my personal favorites! The Yorkshire Terrier. Why is it a favorite you ask?

Simple….. the hair on these little guys & gals is as close to human hair as possible. Of course, were I to own one of these little darlings, I wouldn't be entering it in any dog shows, hence, the short hair version! LOL!




Now, its NOT that I sit and watch these dog shows from start to finish, not doing anything else - (from 6 to 9 AM). No, usually I watch it from whatever TV I am in front of, doing whatever it is I'm doing at the time, folding clothes, washing dishes, dusting furniture, etc. I always have it on, in the living room, the bedroom, and in my home office, (small room with a small TV and my computer), LOL. However, when the hubby is home on those Saturday mornings, I have to make modifications in my routine, as he is a couch potato when he's home, and the remote is his personal property during those times!





Sundays are, well.....just Sundays.  They come and they go.  Hm?  Maybe I should think about visiting one of the dozen or so nearby churches?  Nahhhhh.

Tsk, Tsk......Will Ever I Learn?

Yes, I know, its been quite a few days since last I posted. But I've been a very busy, industrious little girl. Ha! Girl! Old Girl at that!

 

Once I got started on cleaning, (an extremely belated spring cleaning!), I have not stopped. The starting was all it took, you see.

  I've been cleaning windows and closets, and every thing in between. I will definitely have to have a garage sale this fall! LOL!

    
The hubby took to using both sides of the closet in my absence. The closet is filled with ……well, mostly golf shirts!

   
There are, of course, pants and golf shorts too, however, not so much as all the shirts, shirts, and more shirts!!!

 

They hang on both sides of the closet, but he only uses the newer ones on one side. The others are older shirts and he NEVER wears them! There must be at the very least, two dozen of them. 

Yes, most definitely calls for a garage/yard sale in the near future.

I'm hoping that we'll not be hit by any of the tropical storms they've forecasted for this season. Although, the weather people are saying that we're due for a really bad one this year, and unfortunately I tend to agree. However, with a little luck and a lot of praying!!

we'll get missed by the worst of them!

 

Anyway, changing the subject now! We have company coming down to visit next week!! Can't wait to see them! They are very dear friends, and always wonderful guests. They are sweet people, and always pitches in with anything that happens to need doing.

 

One time when they were here, they helped us ……well, helped ME to clean the weeds out of all my flower beds and then spread the fertilizer too!

 

They always bring their son whom is a young man now, and strong. He jumps right in and helps! He is a very polite and well brought up young man. As I said, they are wonderful people, and I always enjoy their visits tremendously!!

 

I will also be getting my first check from SSD. I am excited about that too! I can finally afford to purchase a new mattress for our guestroom!!

 

The hubby had purchased a ummm……..very (cheap-cheap!) mattress from a discount store. The darn thing squeaks and squawks something awful.

 

I've told him I that I felt it showed a lack of consideration for the comfort of any family, or friends who come down to visit on their vacation. They would get a better mattress even in the cheapest of motels!!

 

He gives me the same old excuse that…wellllllll……I couldn't see spending a lot of money on it, since it ONLY got used, once or even twice a year at most.

 

Currently it is being used by ME! No, we do not sleep together for many reasons that I do not wish to go into here. Hmmm? Actually, I believe I've explained that arrangement in one of my earlier posts.

He is cheap like that with everything EXCEPT maybe himself and his OWN COMFORT!!

Did I ever mention that my hubby is just a tad selfish?

   
Well…….not, (I suppose), without good reason. He was an only child you see…….his mother & father spoiled him disgustingly! I suppose that they are to be forgiven for the spoiling, but you would think that once he'd grown up he would have also gotten a little less selfish, less self-involved.

   
I'm not saying that I don't love him or that he isn't a good man………well, he can be a good man when he really wants to.

 

Anyway, hubby worked every morning of this past week at the golf course. Usually he works four days a week, Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday, with Wednesdays off. However, the one who normally works on Wednesday was off, so hubby worked it too.

   
He only works about three hours in the mornings, and then he's done. He can stay and play a few rounds of golf after that, or come home if he so chooses. On Saturday, he played in a tournament for the City employees.

 

I had planned to do some more cleaning on Saturday, unfortunately my pain levels decided to peak!

 

I have no idea why my neck is more painful one day than it is another, it just IS. I have been doing quite a bit of cleaning lately, mostly because we have guests coming down next week, and I want the house to be at the very least clean.

 

In the meantime I plan to slowly update every room, from the kitchen to the great room, to every bedroom and bath. It'll be slow going, but I have the time, so I can go as slow as needs be.

 

 

 

 

 

Ho Hummmm!

Another beautiful day in South Carolina!!

Well, okay.........today is NOT so beautiful.  It is overcast today, lots of clouds on the horizon, but most the rain looks to be out a few miles off shore.  Unless it decides to build up some showers later, it'll just NOT be as sunny as usual.

Last night was fun let me tell you! Um, on second thought, maybe not.  I wish I could tell you........but then, I'd have to kill you!   KIDDING!!  ((winks)).

Seriously?  Well, I had the delightful distinction of walking on eggshells, because someone came home from playing golf, a little plastered 'under the weather'. When (he who cannot be named) is in this condition, his personality is scary.  He becomes mean and downright nasty.  This has happened enough times that the front fender of  his truck has dings and scraps all across the front!

I made the statements above several days ago, on the 7th of June to be exact. And, today is actually a beautiful day, although it's going to be a HOT one. Anyway, since that time I've had a umm, shall we say a 'heart to heart' talk with the person in question, and I think he FINALLY realizes that he has to do something about these 'lapses' that he has with alcohol. I've made it VERY plain to him that if it happens again, there will be consequences. I will not, and cannot stand idly by while he indulges. He knows that he is an alcoholic. He went through treatment for it many years ago, when he spent a good deal of his youth drunk and disorderly.I explained to him that he is endangering his life and the lives of others when he goes there, because he usually ends up driving under the influence.  He has GOT to stop!  Not to mention the fact that he is now 65 years old, no spring chicken.

Now it's just a waiting game. Will he be able to do this without help? Not sure, not sure at all.  In the meantime, we are very close to loosing our home. The bank has given us an ultimatum. We must come up with a certain amount of past due, or we will be facing foreclosure.

I've done all the grunt work trying to keep this from happening. I called CCCS and worked out a plan of attack, but the paperwork set around for weeks, while hubby tried to ignore it, or maybe he was waiting for me to do it?  I don't know.......I should have pushed him, but why should I have to?  If he wants to keep our home, wouldn't he be doing everything possible to prevent loosing it?

Sigh.  I am befuddled, and very tired of always being the one to do without the things I want. What do I want?  A decent mattress to sleep on for one thing! A decent computer desk and a comfortable computer chair. Is that too much to ask for?

I really don't know anymore.  I don't know.

Where Does The Time Go?

It seems only yesterday that I posted on my Blog here, and yet I know that it has actually been weeks and weeks, and weeks! Much too long for someone who loves to write! Why haven't I been posting? Why have I left my blog to gather dust, and rot?

Well, to tell you the honest truth, I've been spending the time doing other things. Other things meaning, lying in bed feeling sorry for myself, lying in bed waiting for what? I do not know. Lying in bed feeling guilty because my home 'was' a mess; among all the other things I feel guilt for.

I say my home, (was) a mess, because last week I simply became fed up with my sorry, guilty and pathetic self, and started working toward getting at least one room looking fairly clean!!

It's odd how once you get started on something you just cannot quit until you are completely done with it. It was like that for me…..….and I knew it would be. It was simply in making myself start somewhere! Anywhere! As long as I started!

Now, I feel so much better for having accomplished it, that I intend to continue until I have my whole house spanking clean!

 

I really took this house for granted when I left it, (and the hubby), in late March of 2006. What was I thinking?!

I can remember as if it was yesterday; our first days and weeks of living in our new home was like a dream for me. Everything smelled so fresh and new!

I can guarantee you I will NEVER take it for granted again! My home is an extension of me, and I want it to reflect my personality this time around.

Okay, no one wants to hear about me and my home. Here are the latest happenings in my life.

Just last week-end my Son, my Mother, (who is 85), and a close friend traveled from Indiana all the way down here to South Carolina in order to bring me My Mother's car. When my Mom bought her car, she put both of our names (mine and hers), to the title as owner and co-owner, so my name is already on the title. She was told a few weeks ago that she could not be allowed to drive anymore due to her failing eyesight. It was a big blow to her ego, and her self-reliance. It was just one more piece of sad evidence that she is coming to the time when she will need someone to care for her.

Because of this, my brother decided to give up the townhouse that he was renting and move in with her. For that, our family is grateful to him. Unfortunately, when he moved into her home, he brought not only himself, but two animals that originally belonged to his daughter, my niece.

I have come to find out that neither of these animals are house trained, or if they had been housebroken at one time, they aren't now! They are also male animals, a dog, and a cat.

It has been reported to me that both dog and cat have been marking their territory! Quite often! It has also been reported to me that the house has begun to take on a distinct odor of ammonia! Good grief!

Now, my brother is a good man, but he would be the first person to tell you that he is not a good 'maintainer'. Nor is he good at taking care of anything besides his own person. He does at least have good grooming habits. Nevertheless, I'm wondering how long it will take before he and the grandkids have "words".

Yes, I've spoken to him about the animals. He took it personally, as I knew he would. He got angry and defensive. He tells me that it does not bother Mom.

Well duh! She is his Mother for crying out loud! She is never going to tell him that he is being disrespectful, by bringing animals into her home, and then letting them poop and pee all over the carpet! She loves him unconditionally. She is NOT going to ever tell him that those animals are creating their own personal litter-box out of her carpet!! The worst of it all is that the carpet was almost like new, as she had it cleaned this past winter. It is an off-white one too! Can you imagine it? It upsets me, but what can I do? My Mother is 85 years old, and starting to forget things, and her eyesight is bad. What if she doesn't see a pile of dog poo and steps on it, possibly slipping and falling?

I just don't understand my brother's thinking? Of course, I was assured that he cleans up the messes the animals make, however……..I am also told that the smell in that house is not good. Sigh! I am appalled by my brother's lack of consideration for his own Mother, and her home.

Next!

The hubby and I now have a fairly new vehicle to drive. My Mom's car is a (2009) Dodge Caliber with less than 6500 miles on it.

We reunited in July of 2008. I took care of him through some very aggressive chemotherapy and radiation. I was his caretaker and it wore me completely out, physically and emotionally, and almost killed him, but he is now 'cancer free'. He tells everyone that had it not been for me, he would be dead by now. While we were separated he added his daughter's name to his bank account. He also took my name off the title on his truck, and put his daughter's name on it, with his.

I've been back now for almost two years, and he has only just now decided to put my name back on the title to his truck. Have I ever asked him to put my name back on his title? NO. Do I care if my name is on his title to his truck? NO. As long as the insurance covers me driving it, I don't really care if my name is on it or not. The truck is falling apart anyway. It is a 2002 GMC Sonoma, and it is just a matter of time before it gives out, and we will be down to one vehicle again. He drinks and drives! The front bumper of his truck has several little dents, nicks, and scrapes from his driving while intoxicated. He has actually gotten a ticket for leaving the scene of an accident, and not 'taking due care'. Had he stayed at the scene, he would have undoubtedly been arrested for DUI, and had his license taken away, he was aware enough to know that much! He gave the driver of the vehicle he hit his insurance card, drove directly home, and went straight to bed. Informing me, along the way to his bed, that we might have the police knocking at the door soon!

Well, the police did show up about an hour later, and the only reason that they didn't issue a DUI, is that he was already home in bed. Although they did issue a ticket for 'not taking due care'.

So, what do I do in this matter? Do I relent and go ahead and let him have his way? Should I go ahead and allow his name to be added to the title, just to spare myself the hassle?

Do I tell him that I would prefer to keep the title in my name only, simply because I would like to have ONE thing that is all my own. (Is it too much to ask)? If I do this, I must prepare myself for the battle that will ensue. Because it will happen. My husband loves me. He tells me this all the time. But what kind of love is it that is only given, conditioned on my agreeing to anything he says? There are no ifs, ands, or butt's about it. He will cancel the insurance, (I will have to purchase my own insurance), and I will most likely have to pay the vehicle taxes, and licensing, and also get a new SC title with my address, and have my Mother's name removed. Although I really see no reason to remove her name, unless I have to. But, all of that costs money that I don't have right now. If hubby objects, or throws a fit, (as I know he will), I will simply have to let the car sit in the driveway for now. Until I do have the money to pay the vehicle tax, the insurance, the title transfer, blah, blah, blah.

I don't know!? I just don't know!???

I have also been approved for SSD. I thought about not telling you about that, because I know some people are judgmental of those whose disability is not exactly visible, but those of you who have read my blog from the start, then you know what I go through daily. I don't intend to be on disability forever, because if anyone wants to get better it is me!

However, until I get my life together and can be pain-free.……well, it'll help me tremendously!

Self Worth – I Am A Star?

Depression: What is it really? Well, here are just a few comments by anonymous individuals who give their descriptions of how it really FEELS to them. I picked these out especially as they apply to me.

• It's like trying to walk through waist high cement.
  
• It is frustrating and overwhelming. I feel incapacitated by simple chores like laundry and dishes that is not done for weeks on end. Like I am some sort of invalid.
  
• Depression is the feeling of hopelessness, feeling useless and worthless.
  
• I feel nothing good… only emptiness, pain and guilt. It seems as though I am merely existing not living. I question everything I say and do…like, I am not sure how I should be. I am constantly letting those I care about down…does that mean I don't care for them. Depression makes me feel so self-involved and yet I don't even want to think about myself. I don't like who I am.
  
• Depression feels like a circle of guilt, worthlessness, inability, weakness, and fear. All wrapped up in silence and fog. You don't function like you used to, you can't think like you used to, you can't participate like you used to and you let down those depending on you like they used to. You live in a circle of fear and guilt and your brain constantly reminds you that you no longer measure up and there is no point in trying anymore. An endless circle of failure.
  

 

Depression feels like all of these to me, the last comment in particular.

However, every morning of every day I still force myself out of the bed, and routinely do what I can, whether it is to wash a few dishes or do one load of laundry, I will accomplish at least that much!

But housework is quite another story..…..Ha! Dusting? Not even! Sweeping the floor? Nope, not even gonna try, mainly because the thing sounds like it is going to explode every time I turn it on! Cleaning the bathrooms are just more than I even want to think about! Yuck!

We have not been able to update a bloody thing in this house since we moved into it, and that was back in 2002! That could depress even the most cheerful of souls!

 

On Monday of this past week I had an appointment with my lawyer, and I was late. Simply because of a miscalculation on my part of the time for the appointment. The week before had been pure HELL, but that doesn't matter, because I had been informed of this appointment weeks before!

Last week, I had developed an infection in one of my eyeteeth. The infection was deep into the root of the tooth that was already broken off at my gum line. It was so bad that I knew I was running a fever. I could feel it under my skin, burning. Everything else that was going on around me became insubstantial to that damn tooth pain! For four days, at the very least, I was down for the count, I couldn't think, couldn't function, couldn't do anything!

Also on Monday of this past week, I went to consult with an oral surgeon, one that was recommended to me as being reasonably priced. When the consult was done the receptionist gave me an estimate of the cost of extracting seven of my teeth. The total came to $1247.oo dollars. This doesn't include any cosmetic work that would have to come next. Well, considering what had to be done, I felt it was reasonable. However, when I asked about making payments, she told me that since I did not have any dental insurance the bill had to be paid-in-full.

 

Sighs, like we have that kind of money just laying around!

There is nothing for it but to wait until…………………until my ship comes in? Until HELL freezes over? Until we win the lottery?? Until I get another infection most likely!!!

In The Minority

Well, one thing that I am sure about these days. I am a genuine member of a minority. I am a minority in just about every sense of the word. 


When my husband and I were separated, I was in a minority of women known as 'displaced homemakers'. Unfortunately, I did not know that my minority had a name to it. Had I known that, I might have gotten a little more help from some of the public and government offices in my hometown. Not that it would have helped me, because I have a feeling that I would not have qualified for it!!


 I remember that time like it was just yesterday, or even last week. It was a scary time for me, and it was truly HELL ON EARTH. I came very close to living on the streets, literally! I dragged myself to every local public assistance office available, and there was always something that would disqualify me. Most the time, it was because I was NOT a young woman with a passel of children hanging onto me. 

You see, had I been young, and carrying around five or six kids to feed and clothe, there would have been no question of assistance, but since I was an old lady of 58 at the time, I didn't qualify for assistance, either financially or legally. I had no income. Neither could the hubby cough up a couple extra hundred bucks a week to help me out. I had close family but they could not help me financially.


Do NOT get the wrong impression of me here, I am not a lazy woman! I never have been. I might have been naïve, a door mat, and a little dense now and then, but never lazy. But during the time that I was separated I was emotionally bereft. The emotional plane I was on was causing me to be physically impaired also. Depression is as bad as any other serious physical ailment. Its like the aches and pains of the flu quadrupled.


However, during all that time, even though there were things that I sometimes had to do without, there was one thing that I could always count on. The one thing that would make my days on earth just a little better, but only a little. 

On the days when I was able to drag myself out of bed, I had my "Dove", My Dove "Nutrium" bar soap. It was something that I could depend on to at least make me feel a little better.


Last month, I was getting low on my bar soap, so I made a trip to the local Wal-Mart to get some more of My Dove "Nutrium" bar soap. I could not find it on the store shelves. I thought, at the time, that they were simply out of stock, so I went to the local drug store thinking to find it there. I was wrong of course. I went to five different stores looking for my Dove "Nutrium" bar soap. Picture below:

This product, (one that I have been using for years!) ……as I came to find out, had been discontinued by the manufacturer!!!!!! 

Sighhhhhhh……..as I was saying, I am in a minority in every sense of the word. Even with health and beauty aids!! It doesn't matter to the manufacturer that I LOVED my Nutrium bar soap! The only thing that mattered to them is that it was a product of theirs that didn't sell as much as some of their other bar soaps did, so they took it off the store shelves! Did they ask me? NO! Because I am a member of the minority who LOVED IT!


I am sure that there are other women out there just as unhappy about this turn of events as I. I did call the manufacturers to let them know how unhappy I was about their decision. Just to be fair to them, I will say that they went so far as to send me a coupon in the mail. The coupon was for the Dove Nutrium Body Wash. It's not the same! Honestly, after using this particular item for so many years, well………it was almost like losing a very dear and close friend. 

Blogging with Word

This is simply a practice blog session for me to work out some of the intricacies of integrating word with blogger, or vice versa. 


Hello my dear friends and associates! I am trying out this new process of using Microsoft Word to post on my blogger account. Let us…..or should I say let me…...hope it works!


It was not very difficult, but….of course, with my brain, well………….I made it that way!



For those of you who do not yet use Microsoft word 2007 with Blogger, try it….it may open up a completely new world of blogging success!


You can find all the information you will need about setting up your blog with word HERE

   
About.com has some very good information about what you can and cannot do with the software, and you can find that information - HERE

   
Overall, it seems to me that this little piece of software is going to make my (blogging) life, just a tad easier …I hope!

    
We shall see, as the saying goes, "practice makes perfect".


After having completed this post in word I hit (Publish) in the upper left corner of word, and it automatically posts to my blog! Wow! Nice!  


Having said that, there is only one small problem that I will have to work on a little bit longer.  The pictures that I inserted into my blog post while in word, did NOT get posted with the script to my blog. 

For now, I am simply publishing from word as a draft, and then I have to go back and insert the pictures later, before I actually publish it.  I am not sure it is worth the hassle, but if I can figure out the picture provider I'll be set!!  Hehehehe


 

Important Update On My Teeth!

Okay, sooooooooo

I told you all in my "Toothy Post" that I would publish, for you, the picture of the way my teeth look with my current smile.  I had also, in that post, told you that I added a Paypal donation button in hopes that those of you who could spare a dollar or two to please help me out.  Please understand that I am doing this to show you that I am in real danger of becoming seriously ill, (this from the doctor, dentist), if I do not have something done soon!

I asked the dentist if he knew how that could be possible without money?  He says, "you can work out some kind of payment plan with my staff, it shouldn't be a problem."  Ha!  Yeah right.........for YOU it isn't! I know how I sound to you, contrary, cynical??  Yes, I suppose I am. But only because society has taught me cynicism the hard way.   Hm?  Maybe I should have told him how many (payment plans) "MEDICAL" I'm paying on right now already!!!  Sighhhhhhhhh!
Last week, I started having terrible pain in the area of my eyetooth. I had to go see a dentist when it became totally unbearable for me!!    I found out that I had developed a really bad infection at the root of my eyetooth, and one right next to it. Both of which have broken off at the gum line. The left side of my face was so swollen that I could barely breath through my nose. The infection had gotten into my sinus.  The dentist gave me some antibiotics and something for the pain. I am just now starting to feel human again. That was a very unpleasant experience!  But, I don't think anyone can understand the depth of pain this causes unless you have experienced it yourself.

AGONY THAT DOES NOT GO AWAY




Anyway, here it is for all the world to see!  My Ugly smile! More like a grimace!