It seems only yesterday that I posted on my Blog here, and yet I know that it has actually been weeks and weeks, and weeks! Much too long for someone who loves to write! Why haven't I been posting? Why have I left my blog to gather dust, and rot?
Well, to tell you the honest truth, I've been spending the time doing other things. Other things meaning, lying in bed feeling sorry for myself, lying in bed waiting for what? I do not know. Lying in bed feeling guilty because my home 'was' a mess; among all the other things I feel guilt for.
I say my home, (was) a mess, because last week I simply became fed up with my sorry, guilty and pathetic self, and started working toward getting at least one room looking fairly clean!!
It's odd how once you get started on something you just cannot quit until you are completely done with it. It was like that for me…..….and I knew it would be. It was simply in making myself start somewhere! Anywhere! As long as I started!
Now, I feel so much better for having accomplished it, that I intend to continue until I have my whole house spanking clean!
I really took this house for granted when I left it, (and the hubby), in late March of 2006. What was I thinking?!
I can remember as if it was yesterday; our first days and weeks of living in our new home was like a dream for me. Everything smelled so fresh and new!
I can guarantee you I will NEVER take it for granted again! My home is an extension of me, and I want it to reflect my personality this time around.
Okay, no one wants to hear about me and my home. Here are the latest happenings in my life.
Just last week-end my Son, my Mother, (who is 85), and a close friend traveled from Indiana all the way down here to South Carolina in order to bring me My Mother's car. When my Mom bought her car, she put both of our names (mine and hers), to the title as owner and co-owner, so my name is already on the title. She was told a few weeks ago that she could not be allowed to drive anymore due to her failing eyesight. It was a big blow to her ego, and her self-reliance. It was just one more piece of sad evidence that she is coming to the time when she will need someone to care for her.
Because of this, my brother decided to give up the townhouse that he was renting and move in with her. For that, our family is grateful to him. Unfortunately, when he moved into her home, he brought not only himself, but two animals that originally belonged to his daughter, my niece.
I have come to find out that neither of these animals are house trained, or if they had been housebroken at one time, they aren't now! They are also male animals, a dog, and a cat.
It has been reported to me that both dog and cat have been marking their territory! Quite often! It has also been reported to me that the house has begun to take on a distinct odor of ammonia! Good grief!
Now, my brother is a good man, but he would be the first person to tell you that he is not a good 'maintainer'. Nor is he good at taking care of anything besides his own person. He does at least have good grooming habits. Nevertheless, I'm wondering how long it will take before he and the grandkids have "words".
Yes, I've spoken to him about the animals. He took it personally, as I knew he would. He got angry and defensive. He tells me that it does not bother Mom.
Well duh! She is his Mother for crying out loud! She is never going to tell him that he is being disrespectful, by bringing animals into her home, and then letting them poop and pee all over the carpet! She loves him unconditionally. She is NOT going to ever tell him that those animals are creating their own personal litter-box out of her carpet!! The worst of it all is that the carpet was almost like new, as she had it cleaned this past winter. It is an off-white one too! Can you imagine it? It upsets me, but what can I do? My Mother is 85 years old, and starting to forget things, and her eyesight is bad. What if she doesn't see a pile of dog poo and steps on it, possibly slipping and falling?
I just don't understand my brother's thinking? Of course, I was assured that he cleans up the messes the animals make, however……..I am also told that the smell in that house is not good. Sigh! I am appalled by my brother's lack of consideration for his own Mother, and her home.
The hubby and I now have a fairly new vehicle to drive. My Mom's car is a (2009) Dodge Caliber with less than 6500 miles on it.
We reunited in July of 2008. I took care of him through some very aggressive chemotherapy and radiation. I was his caretaker and it wore me completely out, physically and emotionally, and almost killed him, but he is now 'cancer free'. He tells everyone that had it not been for me, he would be dead by now. While we were separated he added his daughter's name to his bank account. He also took my name off the title on his truck, and put his daughter's name on it, with his.
I've been back now for almost two years, and he has only just now decided to put my name back on the title to his truck. Have I ever asked him to put my name back on his title? NO. Do I care if my name is on his title to his truck? NO. As long as the insurance covers me driving it, I don't really care if my name is on it or not. The truck is falling apart anyway. It is a 2002 GMC Sonoma, and it is just a matter of time before it gives out, and we will be down to one vehicle again. He drinks and drives! The front bumper of his truck has several little dents, nicks, and scrapes from his driving while intoxicated. He has actually gotten a ticket for leaving the scene of an accident, and not 'taking due care'. Had he stayed at the scene, he would have undoubtedly been arrested for DUI, and had his license taken away, he was aware enough to know that much! He gave the driver of the vehicle he hit his insurance card, drove directly home, and went straight to bed. Informing me, along the way to his bed, that we might have the police knocking at the door soon!
Well, the police did show up about an hour later, and the only reason that they didn't issue a DUI, is that he was already home in bed. Although they did issue a ticket for 'not taking due care'.
So, what do I do in this matter? Do I relent and go ahead and let him have his way? Should I go ahead and allow his name to be added to the title, just to spare myself the hassle?
Do I tell him that I would prefer to keep the title in my name only, simply because I would like to have ONE thing that is all my own. (Is it too much to ask)? If I do this, I must prepare myself for the battle that will ensue. Because it will happen. My husband loves me. He tells me this all the time. But what kind of love is it that is only given, conditioned on my agreeing to anything he says? There are no ifs, ands, or butt's about it. He will cancel the insurance, (I will have to purchase my own insurance), and I will most likely have to pay the vehicle taxes, and licensing, and also get a new SC title with my address, and have my Mother's name removed. Although I really see no reason to remove her name, unless I have to. But, all of that costs money that I don't have right now. If hubby objects, or throws a fit, (as I know he will), I will simply have to let the car sit in the driveway for now. Until I do have the money to pay the vehicle tax, the insurance, the title transfer, blah, blah, blah.
I don't know!? I just don't know!???
I have also been approved for SSD. I thought about not telling you about that, because I know some people are judgmental of those whose disability is not exactly visible, but those of you who have read my blog from the start, then you know what I go through daily. I don't intend to be on disability forever, because if anyone wants to get better it is me!
However, until I get my life together and can be pain-free.……well, it'll help me tremendously!