An Embarrassing Moment.......

Have you ever had one of those moments where you had been under a GREAT deal of stress, and something happens out of the blue that makes you laugh.......and then you cannot quit laughing, and you laugh soooo hard that you end up bursting into tears at the very worst of times?


I had one of those moments.........its not been recently, although when I think about it.......maybe I need such a release right now.

Anyway, as I was saying, this happened some years ago, when I was going through my divorce to my 1st husband.  I was visiting with my folks for the week-end, and I went to church with them on Sunday morning.

It was a small town church, very quaint.  That morning the church was packed, I suppose because it was a beautiful spring morning, one meant for worshipping God, and thanking him for all he has given us.

As in most churches there is always at some point during the morning sermon, where the parishioners are asked to stand and sing along with the choir. I was standing next to my dear sweet Mother singing along with her, while she held the songbook.

As we were singing my Mother slipped up and uttered a word that was umm.........well, it wasn't the word in the song, and for some reason it just hit me and I started to chuckle, and the more I chuckled the harder it was to stop.  I soon realized that I was out of control, my emotions were suddenly spilling out of me right there in that little small town church, and I can tell you that it was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life!

Yes, I've had other embarrassing moments, but since my separation from the hubby, the whole world, and my attitude toward it has changed.  I look back on that moment with fondness now, remembering how simple life was for me then, even when I was going through the divorce......that doesn't even come close to comparing with the HELL I went through while separated from the 2nd hubby.

The world is so much more complex now, so many unknowns, so many uncertainty's. So much more evil out there, and people who want to do us harm. I'm so glad for what I have, even if my health is not so good, I have a roof over my head, MY ROOF, and food to eat and a bed to lay my head down.  How could I want for more?

Where did Monday Go? Or The Weekend Before it?? Swoosh! Gone!

Monday always comes………no matter how hard I wish it not to…..it defeats my wishes in the end, and it comes, sneaking quietly into the dawn! Okay…..just kick me, but I can't help it, I love the week-ends, and I HATE Mondays! Sooo.......I guess it's a good thing that Monday passed so quickly, LOL!


 
Saturday morning starts out with my favorite Saturday morning TV show. Usually, on Saturday mornings promptly at 6 A.M. "Animal Planet" has a dog show, i.e. 'Westminster, American Kennel Club, AKC Eukanuba, and so forth. Even 'Animal Planet' has it's own 'Dog Championship' shows.


 
I love to watch even the ones that I know are re-runs. Yes, call me crazy, call me weird. I don't have a dog, and I don't intend to have one, unless of course, (God forbid), something were to happen to the hubby. IF I were alone, only then would I consider owning a dog. The reason for this is simple. the hubby is a full-time job, and he would NOT appreciate any competition for my affections, even toward an animal. And, I would not be able to take care of it in the manner I would prefer. I would pamper it, and love it unconditionally, as I know any pet's love for it's owner/master is just that, 'unconditional', be it dog or cat.

 
This image was acquired from:


http://dogblog.dogstuff.com/



DogBlog is the weblog of http://www.dogstuff.com/

They have all kinds of interesting information about rescue and dogs, and the dog stuff they sell. They maintain that the products they sell are some of the best on the market.


 
The dogs on these Championship shows are pampered pooches to be sure, but they are also very well behaved, and well-trained.


 
Who wouldn't love a little fluffy face like the one below!
    This image taken from: http://bichon.org/PGHeadStudies.htm



The Official Website for The Bichon Frise Club. They offer all kinds of helpful information on anything 'Bichon'.


The poodles are picture perfect examples of grooming expertise. Amazing!


The image above acquired through:

http://www.ngkc.us/web/events/090422/web/020.html


The website is the National General Kennel Club. It originates from China, and provides values, standards, the registration process, and is China's independent national kennel club. They are committed to helping and organizing all dog lovers, clubs, kennels, and organizations in promoting responsible dog ownership, breeding and exhibition.





 
The picture shown above was acquire from here:

http://www.maribesopapillons.com/index.html



Maribeso Papillon Kennel provides a daycare, and boarding services. They also supply the latest news from recent competitions and shows, and links to other kennels and related sites.



The Papillon Breed is a personal favorite of mine, along with the ones shown below of the Yorkshire Terrier.


Another one of my personal favorites! The Yorkshire Terrier. Why is it a favorite you ask?

Simple….. the hair on these little guys & gals is as close to human hair as possible. Of course, were I to own one of these little darlings, I wouldn't be entering it in any dog shows, hence, the short hair version! LOL!




Now, its NOT that I sit and watch these dog shows from start to finish, not doing anything else - (from 6 to 9 AM). No, usually I watch it from whatever TV I am in front of, doing whatever it is I'm doing at the time, folding clothes, washing dishes, dusting furniture, etc. I always have it on, in the living room, the bedroom, and in my home office, (small room with a small TV and my computer), LOL. However, when the hubby is home on those Saturday mornings, I have to make modifications in my routine, as he is a couch potato when he's home, and the remote is his personal property during those times!





Sundays are, well.....just Sundays.  They come and they go.  Hm?  Maybe I should think about visiting one of the dozen or so nearby churches?  Nahhhhh.

Tsk, Tsk......Will Ever I Learn?

Yes, I know, its been quite a few days since last I posted. But I've been a very busy, industrious little girl. Ha! Girl! Old Girl at that!

 

Once I got started on cleaning, (an extremely belated spring cleaning!), I have not stopped. The starting was all it took, you see.

  I've been cleaning windows and closets, and every thing in between. I will definitely have to have a garage sale this fall! LOL!

    
The hubby took to using both sides of the closet in my absence. The closet is filled with ……well, mostly golf shirts!

   
There are, of course, pants and golf shorts too, however, not so much as all the shirts, shirts, and more shirts!!!

 

They hang on both sides of the closet, but he only uses the newer ones on one side. The others are older shirts and he NEVER wears them! There must be at the very least, two dozen of them. 

Yes, most definitely calls for a garage/yard sale in the near future.

I'm hoping that we'll not be hit by any of the tropical storms they've forecasted for this season. Although, the weather people are saying that we're due for a really bad one this year, and unfortunately I tend to agree. However, with a little luck and a lot of praying!!

we'll get missed by the worst of them!

 

Anyway, changing the subject now! We have company coming down to visit next week!! Can't wait to see them! They are very dear friends, and always wonderful guests. They are sweet people, and always pitches in with anything that happens to need doing.

 

One time when they were here, they helped us ……well, helped ME to clean the weeds out of all my flower beds and then spread the fertilizer too!

 

They always bring their son whom is a young man now, and strong. He jumps right in and helps! He is a very polite and well brought up young man. As I said, they are wonderful people, and I always enjoy their visits tremendously!!

 

I will also be getting my first check from SSD. I am excited about that too! I can finally afford to purchase a new mattress for our guestroom!!

 

The hubby had purchased a ummm……..very (cheap-cheap!) mattress from a discount store. The darn thing squeaks and squawks something awful.

 

I've told him I that I felt it showed a lack of consideration for the comfort of any family, or friends who come down to visit on their vacation. They would get a better mattress even in the cheapest of motels!!

 

He gives me the same old excuse that…wellllllll……I couldn't see spending a lot of money on it, since it ONLY got used, once or even twice a year at most.

 

Currently it is being used by ME! No, we do not sleep together for many reasons that I do not wish to go into here. Hmmm? Actually, I believe I've explained that arrangement in one of my earlier posts.

He is cheap like that with everything EXCEPT maybe himself and his OWN COMFORT!!

Did I ever mention that my hubby is just a tad selfish?

   
Well…….not, (I suppose), without good reason. He was an only child you see…….his mother & father spoiled him disgustingly! I suppose that they are to be forgiven for the spoiling, but you would think that once he'd grown up he would have also gotten a little less selfish, less self-involved.

   
I'm not saying that I don't love him or that he isn't a good man………well, he can be a good man when he really wants to.

 

Anyway, hubby worked every morning of this past week at the golf course. Usually he works four days a week, Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday, with Wednesdays off. However, the one who normally works on Wednesday was off, so hubby worked it too.

   
He only works about three hours in the mornings, and then he's done. He can stay and play a few rounds of golf after that, or come home if he so chooses. On Saturday, he played in a tournament for the City employees.

 

I had planned to do some more cleaning on Saturday, unfortunately my pain levels decided to peak!

 

I have no idea why my neck is more painful one day than it is another, it just IS. I have been doing quite a bit of cleaning lately, mostly because we have guests coming down next week, and I want the house to be at the very least clean.

 

In the meantime I plan to slowly update every room, from the kitchen to the great room, to every bedroom and bath. It'll be slow going, but I have the time, so I can go as slow as needs be.

 

 

 

 

 

Ho Hummmm!

Another beautiful day in South Carolina!!

Well, okay.........today is NOT so beautiful.  It is overcast today, lots of clouds on the horizon, but most the rain looks to be out a few miles off shore.  Unless it decides to build up some showers later, it'll just NOT be as sunny as usual.

Last night was fun let me tell you! Um, on second thought, maybe not.  I wish I could tell you........but then, I'd have to kill you!   KIDDING!!  ((winks)).

Seriously?  Well, I had the delightful distinction of walking on eggshells, because someone came home from playing golf, a little plastered 'under the weather'. When (he who cannot be named) is in this condition, his personality is scary.  He becomes mean and downright nasty.  This has happened enough times that the front fender of  his truck has dings and scraps all across the front!

I made the statements above several days ago, on the 7th of June to be exact. And, today is actually a beautiful day, although it's going to be a HOT one. Anyway, since that time I've had a umm, shall we say a 'heart to heart' talk with the person in question, and I think he FINALLY realizes that he has to do something about these 'lapses' that he has with alcohol. I've made it VERY plain to him that if it happens again, there will be consequences. I will not, and cannot stand idly by while he indulges. He knows that he is an alcoholic. He went through treatment for it many years ago, when he spent a good deal of his youth drunk and disorderly.I explained to him that he is endangering his life and the lives of others when he goes there, because he usually ends up driving under the influence.  He has GOT to stop!  Not to mention the fact that he is now 65 years old, no spring chicken.

Now it's just a waiting game. Will he be able to do this without help? Not sure, not sure at all.  In the meantime, we are very close to loosing our home. The bank has given us an ultimatum. We must come up with a certain amount of past due, or we will be facing foreclosure.

I've done all the grunt work trying to keep this from happening. I called CCCS and worked out a plan of attack, but the paperwork set around for weeks, while hubby tried to ignore it, or maybe he was waiting for me to do it?  I don't know.......I should have pushed him, but why should I have to?  If he wants to keep our home, wouldn't he be doing everything possible to prevent loosing it?

Sigh.  I am befuddled, and very tired of always being the one to do without the things I want. What do I want?  A decent mattress to sleep on for one thing! A decent computer desk and a comfortable computer chair. Is that too much to ask for?

I really don't know anymore.  I don't know.

Where Does The Time Go?

It seems only yesterday that I posted on my Blog here, and yet I know that it has actually been weeks and weeks, and weeks! Much too long for someone who loves to write! Why haven't I been posting? Why have I left my blog to gather dust, and rot?

Well, to tell you the honest truth, I've been spending the time doing other things. Other things meaning, lying in bed feeling sorry for myself, lying in bed waiting for what? I do not know. Lying in bed feeling guilty because my home 'was' a mess; among all the other things I feel guilt for.

I say my home, (was) a mess, because last week I simply became fed up with my sorry, guilty and pathetic self, and started working toward getting at least one room looking fairly clean!!

It's odd how once you get started on something you just cannot quit until you are completely done with it. It was like that for me…..….and I knew it would be. It was simply in making myself start somewhere! Anywhere! As long as I started!

Now, I feel so much better for having accomplished it, that I intend to continue until I have my whole house spanking clean!

 

I really took this house for granted when I left it, (and the hubby), in late March of 2006. What was I thinking?!

I can remember as if it was yesterday; our first days and weeks of living in our new home was like a dream for me. Everything smelled so fresh and new!

I can guarantee you I will NEVER take it for granted again! My home is an extension of me, and I want it to reflect my personality this time around.

Okay, no one wants to hear about me and my home. Here are the latest happenings in my life.

Just last week-end my Son, my Mother, (who is 85), and a close friend traveled from Indiana all the way down here to South Carolina in order to bring me My Mother's car. When my Mom bought her car, she put both of our names (mine and hers), to the title as owner and co-owner, so my name is already on the title. She was told a few weeks ago that she could not be allowed to drive anymore due to her failing eyesight. It was a big blow to her ego, and her self-reliance. It was just one more piece of sad evidence that she is coming to the time when she will need someone to care for her.

Because of this, my brother decided to give up the townhouse that he was renting and move in with her. For that, our family is grateful to him. Unfortunately, when he moved into her home, he brought not only himself, but two animals that originally belonged to his daughter, my niece.

I have come to find out that neither of these animals are house trained, or if they had been housebroken at one time, they aren't now! They are also male animals, a dog, and a cat.

It has been reported to me that both dog and cat have been marking their territory! Quite often! It has also been reported to me that the house has begun to take on a distinct odor of ammonia! Good grief!

Now, my brother is a good man, but he would be the first person to tell you that he is not a good 'maintainer'. Nor is he good at taking care of anything besides his own person. He does at least have good grooming habits. Nevertheless, I'm wondering how long it will take before he and the grandkids have "words".

Yes, I've spoken to him about the animals. He took it personally, as I knew he would. He got angry and defensive. He tells me that it does not bother Mom.

Well duh! She is his Mother for crying out loud! She is never going to tell him that he is being disrespectful, by bringing animals into her home, and then letting them poop and pee all over the carpet! She loves him unconditionally. She is NOT going to ever tell him that those animals are creating their own personal litter-box out of her carpet!! The worst of it all is that the carpet was almost like new, as she had it cleaned this past winter. It is an off-white one too! Can you imagine it? It upsets me, but what can I do? My Mother is 85 years old, and starting to forget things, and her eyesight is bad. What if she doesn't see a pile of dog poo and steps on it, possibly slipping and falling?

I just don't understand my brother's thinking? Of course, I was assured that he cleans up the messes the animals make, however……..I am also told that the smell in that house is not good. Sigh! I am appalled by my brother's lack of consideration for his own Mother, and her home.

Next!

The hubby and I now have a fairly new vehicle to drive. My Mom's car is a (2009) Dodge Caliber with less than 6500 miles on it.

We reunited in July of 2008. I took care of him through some very aggressive chemotherapy and radiation. I was his caretaker and it wore me completely out, physically and emotionally, and almost killed him, but he is now 'cancer free'. He tells everyone that had it not been for me, he would be dead by now. While we were separated he added his daughter's name to his bank account. He also took my name off the title on his truck, and put his daughter's name on it, with his.

I've been back now for almost two years, and he has only just now decided to put my name back on the title to his truck. Have I ever asked him to put my name back on his title? NO. Do I care if my name is on his title to his truck? NO. As long as the insurance covers me driving it, I don't really care if my name is on it or not. The truck is falling apart anyway. It is a 2002 GMC Sonoma, and it is just a matter of time before it gives out, and we will be down to one vehicle again. He drinks and drives! The front bumper of his truck has several little dents, nicks, and scrapes from his driving while intoxicated. He has actually gotten a ticket for leaving the scene of an accident, and not 'taking due care'. Had he stayed at the scene, he would have undoubtedly been arrested for DUI, and had his license taken away, he was aware enough to know that much! He gave the driver of the vehicle he hit his insurance card, drove directly home, and went straight to bed. Informing me, along the way to his bed, that we might have the police knocking at the door soon!

Well, the police did show up about an hour later, and the only reason that they didn't issue a DUI, is that he was already home in bed. Although they did issue a ticket for 'not taking due care'.

So, what do I do in this matter? Do I relent and go ahead and let him have his way? Should I go ahead and allow his name to be added to the title, just to spare myself the hassle?

Do I tell him that I would prefer to keep the title in my name only, simply because I would like to have ONE thing that is all my own. (Is it too much to ask)? If I do this, I must prepare myself for the battle that will ensue. Because it will happen. My husband loves me. He tells me this all the time. But what kind of love is it that is only given, conditioned on my agreeing to anything he says? There are no ifs, ands, or butt's about it. He will cancel the insurance, (I will have to purchase my own insurance), and I will most likely have to pay the vehicle taxes, and licensing, and also get a new SC title with my address, and have my Mother's name removed. Although I really see no reason to remove her name, unless I have to. But, all of that costs money that I don't have right now. If hubby objects, or throws a fit, (as I know he will), I will simply have to let the car sit in the driveway for now. Until I do have the money to pay the vehicle tax, the insurance, the title transfer, blah, blah, blah.

I don't know!? I just don't know!???

I have also been approved for SSD. I thought about not telling you about that, because I know some people are judgmental of those whose disability is not exactly visible, but those of you who have read my blog from the start, then you know what I go through daily. I don't intend to be on disability forever, because if anyone wants to get better it is me!

However, until I get my life together and can be pain-free.……well, it'll help me tremendously!